The fourth trimester (the 3 months following birth) is not talked about much. Most likely because it can be confusing and overwhelming and drastically different from momma to momma. It’s a whirlwind of deep transition for both mom and baby. Between physical recovery, emotional rollercoasters, and everything in between… the pumping, late night frantic googling, clogged milk ducts, unusual body pains, cluster feeding, never ending bottle washing, the diapers (oh the diapers!), sleeplessness, learning to do everything with one hand…. the spontaneous smiles, sweet baby stretches, milk comas, and oooooh so much more than I could possibly write. Every mom’s experience is unique, but here is my short list of what you might expect and some tips to navigate postpartum a little easier.
Postpartum can bring a whirlwind of emotions. Hormone fluctuations can cause mood swings, tears, and moments of intense joy followed by exhaustion. Many moms experience the “baby blues,” and some even face postpartum depression or anxiety. You are not a bad mom for feeling intense negative feelings. I wish more moms were open about some of the struggles, but honestly it’s hard to make sense of these feelings sometimes so it’s no wonder they aren’t talked about much. Just know you are not alone and you CAN get help. These thoughts and feelings, while pervasive, DO NOT define you as a person or mother.
New babies often force us to slow down. I remember feeling like this season would never end, but truthfully it really does end unexpectedly and then I found myself missing the mandatory slowness. The bond between you and your little one often grows in those quiet, everyday moments. Skin-to-skin contact, feeding sessions, eye contact, snuggling… as cliche as it sounds, savor as much as you can.
Late night feedings and snuggles became such a sacred time with all my babies. I remember the moment with my first child that I surrendered that time. Instead of focusing on getting her fed quickly, or the fact that nursing was so hard, or get her diaper changed as quickly as possible so I could get back to my precious sleep … I started to focus on her tiny little body, the way she relaxed when she was in my arms and full of milk.. her little face was so content, the way she fit into my chest just perfectly. The way I could feel her little body moving with my breath as she fell back asleep… she only wanted to be on my chest. I remember memorizing exactly where her head lay and her legs fell. I remember staying awake past her falling back asleep because I became so in love with this undistracted time that I got to truly know every little detail of this little soul. I have 4 babies now. With each child the chaos grew and slowness seemed more foreign. But I could count on it to be there in the middle of the night with each of them… and I looked forward to it.
It does take a village…now before you start getting in the negative feels on this one, because honestly these villages (as they once were) are hard to come by these days, a “village” can look like many things. It’s a support system. This might be family or friends… but it also might look like postpartum doulas, online mom groups, therapy, etc. Two of the most helpful things for me in postpartum was finding a great IBCLC (lactation consultant)… she ended up being my go-to for EVERYTHING 😆 and helped me tremendously especially with my first when I was truly just figuring it all out. The second thing that someone did for me after each baby is create a meal train. Even if your friends or family are not close they can easily set something like this up to share in your community or even have food sent to you. Talk with someone in your friend and family network to plan something like this out!
I have a friend who set up a series of therapy appointments for her postpartum ahead of time which turned out to be a beautiful way to get support and stay grounded after bringing home baby.
Setting boundaries ahead of time is crucial. If you’re like me, this might sound like more trouble than it’s worth, but for your sanity, recovery, and sacredness of those first few days, do it.
Friends and family will be eager to meet your new baby. And of course you want to share this precious new little joy of yours, but allow yourself to be honest about how much energy you have to give and set boundaries to protect this extremely short season. You may thrive on company… I do 😄, but you also might need some time alone first.
Self-care in the fourth trimester can be as simple as taking five minutes to breathe intentionally, eating a nourishing meal, or having a bath/shower. Taking care of yourself is not only beneficial for you but also helps you show up for your baby. I waited a very long time to become a mother so being intentional about having “me time” was SO hard… I never wanted to put her down. Self-care for me looked like a warm bath with yummy smelling salts and maybe a cup of tea…. and then quickly getting out and getting back to snuggling my little sleeping baby!
The fourth trimester is a time of healing, learning, and making adjustments. It’s important to give yourself grace and ask for help when you need it! These early months might feel incredibly challenging, but they are also filled with the most beautiful and sacred moments. I promise you’ll find your rhythm, and one day look back with gratitude for everything this season taught you!
If you ever want to document these fleeting moments, in any season… I’d love for you to reach out!
